Bye Bye Bay, ‘Ello other side of the world!

Testing, testinnnnng??

 

GREETINGS!! שלום מישראל! (hi from israel)

Disclaimer: I have never blogged before, kept a diary, written songs on napkins, or anything of the sort so I apologize in advance for less than perfect blog entries.

First of all, I’d like to express my dismay that the username Pony Press was taken! What the fuck? Who thought of that before me? I hate them, whoever they are.  They stole my perfect blog name.  Whatevs, they prob can’t rap like I can.

So…I feel like this is an awkward conversation..with myself?  haha.

Part I: London

I had a 10 hour layover in London on Monday, so I went into the city for a little bit!  London is incredible, I had no idea.  There is so much history, its unbelievable.  In 4 hours I saw Buckingham Palace–which I actually thought would be much bigger–, Downing Street, Hyde Park, lots of statues of old famous white men, Westminster, Trafalgar Square, Big Ben, and my favorite place–the House of Lords. 

The House of Lords is the best because you can go inside and listen to them talk.  After passing through a lot of security, signing your life away on a form that says you won’t disturb the Lords, and walking up a lot of stairs you sit in a gallery full of very English, overstuffed leather chairs.  All the Lords sit on giant overstuffed leather sofas too(red, obvs).  I was there for question and answer time, where they debate legislation and stuff (?).  Surprisingly its kind of disorderly.  If people disagree with what someone is saying they all grumble and the whole place is mic-ed so you hear everyone (i.e. hilarity insues).  At one point they all laughed really loud, like Austin Powers style when Dr. Evil starts to laugh and all his sidekicks do their heartiest, most evil laughs for an excessive amount of time.  Because of the mics their laughs almost made the roof top pop off the building. I can’t tell you what was said, their accents are difficult. The clerks wear those silly little wigs from paintings. Amazing. Also, I got chastised for standing up to see better. Clearly, I bring shame to America for my misconduct in the House of Lords.

Best things about London: the people were surprisingly nice, witty men with sexy accents (!!), legally having a beer with dinner (!), ponies EVERYWHERE (!!!), too much history to even comprehend. I’ll put up some pictures later if I can.

Rap Intermission:

Why the fuck is it 3 AM?! I wish that I could smoke a stem like dem homies back at home, need to call dem on da phizzonnnne. Fuck you jet leg I’m gonna get you, watch yo back cuz i might sue

wikka wikka whhaaaaat

Part II: Israel

Arrival: 5 am. Ungodly hour. Already hot. Nap time from 7-8:30 am. 

My aunt woke me up from the bliss that was sleeping on a flat surface and I accompanied her in errand running. We walked around for an hour and a half and when we got back she realized she hadn’t even bought what we originally went out for. Balls. On the bright side, I saw tank tops for$2. Non-balls. Ok this isn’t interesting NEXT TOPIC.  

Same day (i.e. continuation of the previous 30 hours because I fail at sleeping on planes)  my cousin took me to the beach with his friends in a beautiful place called Netanya.  The water here is so nice and warm, clear all the way through, without big waves, so I’m not scared of it! YAY! However, you do have to watch out for jellyfish but I think a sting or two is worth being in warm, non-scary water. 

My cousins friend’s were hilarious, mainly because Israeli boys are witty jerkoffs.  I felt really weird though, because I basically can’t speak Hebrew here.  Everyone talks too fast and there are a lot of words I don’t understand.  I’m scared I won’t ever fit in here, which worries me because I might want to live here.  Feeling like an outsider here sucks because, as a Jew, you want to feel at home, yet you know its impossible because you didn’t grow up in the same culture. Who knows though, I’ve only been here a couple days. I hope it gets better. 

Jerusalem tomorrow! Definitely one of the most beautiful and interesting cities in Israel. Will write when I get back.

I miss you all so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can’t wait to hear about your travels

peace out scouts.

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